Double dose

If my head & heart could explode simultaneously,
It would have done it today.

4 days

It’s been 4 days & my finger’s still numb.

I am lying when I say I’m okay.

I am freaking out.

Rotten melon

Mum’s worried that after 1 year of moving in, the prayer melon is rotten.

She thinks it’s a bad omen.

A really bad omen,
Since when the melon in grandma’s house became rotten,
Grandma died.

Told mum not to overthink it,
Not to associate mortality with a vegetable.

But if death must happen in this house,
Let it be mine.
Please.

I’m not doing really well with living anyways.

Not a habit

Barely lit it up.
And my phone pings at 1.05am.
That feeling of being caught in the act outweighed the need for a puff.

Snapped it in half & put it back into the box.
A reminder that
 it’s a choice not a need.


Stop being stupid Ranjaniy.

Bad decisions

Have been knowingly making some these days.

Malfunctioning Saturdays

Last saturday,
An utter mess.
ended up in a 2 hour drive


This Saturday,
7.27am woke up due to a gnawing feeling in my chest
8.57am gnawing feeling is still there

Why the fuck, am I making my life so difficult.