Hi again

2 years since

Still alive 

Made peace with grief

A little less miserable

A lot less rage, a little more empty, with sprinklings of joy

Loved ones became strangers while strangers became loved ones. 

Fallen in love with a rainbow.Unexpectedly & surely. Warmth & comfort in a being unfortunately not mine to hold. 

Working on falling out of love. Still greedily soaking up his presence. A work in progress but a quarter way there & hoping to succeed.

So, that’s 2 years since.

Living is hard.

Wawasan 2020

Woke up with this idea yesterday.

& it feels so right

Since leaving to natural causes will take a long time.

My state for the past couple of months(especiallly),
The dream about grandma 2 nights back,
The statement  in the car on the way to Tesco last night,
Just solidifies the 2020 vision.

We’ll see how it goes.
I might change my mind as always.

But my question is why should this idea be wrong,right?
I don’t feel sad over it. Neither am I angry.

And doing this doesn’t cause any harm to anyone else,just unfortunately frowned upon in society. With time,it will fade away to a whisper.

It shouldn’t be wrong if I want this right?

Overload

smoked 2 sticks today.

I won’t lie. It felt good.

The only high of the many lows of today.